I should have know when his first degree was in Psychology that it would come back to kick me in the arse one day. Remind me to thank him for that kick, I really needed it.
I got off schedule with my antidepressant and got stuck in a bit of a negative spiral this weekend. Certainly there are a number of things happening at the moment worthy of being depressed and usually I am able to re-frame and re-focus so I can soldier on, but now and again a kick is in order. This was one of those times.
In my previous post, I must have done a terrible job explaining that every now and then I just want to do something fun with someone else. Something that doesn’t revolve around my cancer. Right now I have been making such big asks of pretty much all of my friends and loved ones related to my cancer treatment that turning around and asking them to give up time with their loved ones and do something fun with me purely because I am lonely seems ridiculously selfish.
And damn if it did not hurt that the one single guy who hasn’t been called on for anything could not even be bothered to respond to my request to go to the movies. Not even to say no. Way to keep me grounded in reality introverted single guy.
So much suckage all around me I just could not deal with it all so it was spilling out of me all over our conversation until he had heard enough and wrote…
“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
But he was not done there so he continued with, “Now is especially not the time to be so negative. Lie to yourself if you have to. Negative thoughts can be very damaging to the body, mind, and spirit.”
I responded that I knew that, but DAMN.
That earned me a stern, “nope, no damn” so I called him bossy. Seriously, he’s bossy. He claimed it is only when he needs it…
I railed back that I have been lying to myself about things getting better for so long now while things just keeps getting worse that I no longer believe that particular affirmation.
He suggested, “Find the things that are positive and focus on them.”
A 5 yr old said I was beautiful Saturday; so kids dig me.
“Good things are everywhere if you look.”
Yes, so are couples doing happy shit.
[Did I mention I am snarky and stubborn?]
It was time for his class to start back up so he closed with, “I hope you can start focusing more on the positive.”
Challenge Accepted. [I am also competitive and love a challenge]
Positive 1. I am going to save a fortune in shampoo and conditioner
Positive 2. I save so much time getting ready in the morning
Positive 3. Fergus is even bossier than you so I always have a reason to roll out of bed
Positive 4. There’s no one here to tell me I shouldn’t have ice cream for breakfast
Positive 5. I’m having ice cream for breakfast
Look at that. Five and it was not even 8AM yet!
Positive (?) 6. I eat less ice cream than I used to eat
Positive 7. Plenty of uninterrupted knitting time
Positive 8. I have virtually no forehead wrinkles
Positive 9. I have a super nice mailman
Positive 10. My cousin sent me 2 lovely hats
Positive 11. A friend sent me a lovely card with a Starbucks gift card
“Now doesn’t that feel much better?” he asked.
Positive 12. I have great friends
Positive 13. I found my comfy t-shirt material hat yesterday
Positive 14. All the horrible election ads will be gone
Positive 15. I’m getting lunch from my peeps at CockADoodleMoo food truck today
(which comes with a generous side of hugs and smiles)
Positive 16. Fergus likes to spoon on cold mornings
Positive 17. I was able to put my trash and recycling bins out by myself
Positive 18. A free bagel every day in November at Panera
(so breakfast is covered when I’m not up to it & trash duty took care of that energy)
Positive 18(+). A $1 off coffee too. Wut?!?!
Positive 19. The Xanga, from CockADoodleMoo Food Truck gets its very own number.
(Someone recently said I know too many foodies, but can you really? I think not)
to be continued…
Don’t worry, I got this…