On Resilience

resilience (1)

Pretty much common sense really, yet I know I am not alone in needing the reminder that in order to not only survive but thrive one needs to regularly rest and recharge. I have a tendency to push myself too far. While I have made serious improvement since a car accident in 2011 forced me to slow down or else I fell down, on occasion I can still overdo it. I got fairly close to that line yesterday as pointed out to me by my friend, Lindsey, when I posted a picture of her rock star daughter Avalon with caption saying “Foster visited Foster”. Those are the kind of goofs I make when brain power is starting to bottom out, so I shouldn’t have been surprised this morning when I rolled over and realized it was 1:30 PM. Thankfully the four-legged crew was kind enough to let me sleep. Fergus even took some convincing to wake up himself. It isn’t like I slept a ridiculously long time though. I’ve been dealing with some insomnia issues lately which combined with the long day yesterday resulted in some difficulty waking up.

On the Bright Side |  it was that insomnia that led to me finding the most inexplicable Facebook live video of a woman in Alabama hosting a “pearl party” and salty as hell at her videos jump in viewership from 100 to 1000s; many of whom, like me, were left clueless as to what exactly it was they were watching.

I felt some guilt for sleeping so late, but after checking out my sleep history on Fitbit I realized I needed that sleep pretty badly. It’s been a pretty quiet day here full of knitting, dog walking, and some work related tasks. A nice lead in to the weekend.

positives

Today’s Highlight | Our neighborhood rock star, Avalon, came home from the hospital this evening! I am seriously impressed by the progress she has made since her surgery on Monday. I know her cats, Andy and Jacks, are happy to have her home and the neighborhood kids have probably already started ringing the doorbell. She still has quite the road ahead of her, but I’m looking forward to some crafting time with her while she recuperates.

It’s no big secret that I enjoy knitting, buy what kinds of crafting do you enjoy when you are couch bound recovering?


no worries, I got this

❤ P

 

AMA | What Would I Have Done Differently?

Knowing your symptoms that you had for so long, what would you have done differently knowing what you know now?

… Linda Matthews

Considering that it took the only doctor I had at the time, my psychiatrist who manages my ADHD medications, had to refuse to refill my meds until I identified a primary care physician and have my blood pressure checked, I think it’s safe to say there are several things I would have done differently knowing what I know now.

KnowledgeIsPower

I think the main thing I should have done was recognize that, like in so many other areas of my life, when it comes to my health knowledge is power. Believe it or not, I had to have my doctor point this out to me after a CT scan halfway through my chemotherapy revealed that I had nodules on my thyroid, a nodule on my right lung, multiple lymph nodes had developed in my abdomen, and my gallbladder was full to the neck with gallstones.

Needless to say, I freaked out.

In going over these findings with Dr. G pointed out that pretty much everyone has these types of things happening in their body at any given time, but don’t have the privilege of knowing until there was an issue. That I was able to know this additional information about myself was a gift giving us the opportunity to establish baselines and know what things I may need to keep an eye on going forward.

As it turns out, I was able to utilize some of this extra knowledge this past July. I woke up at the crack of dawn knowing that something horrible was happening in the upper right quadrant of my abdomen. Ah yes, I thought, my gallbladder is full to the neck with gallstones! A quick Google later and the symptoms I was experiencing tracked with a gallbladder attack. Mind you, I’m still a bit of a wingnut and contacted first a friend, then the gyn-oncology department at UNC Hospitals, and finally my nurse neighbor before I finally accepted that the only way I was going to rid myself of the pain was a trip to the ER. However, once there it did help things along to be able to tell the doctor that I had two scans on file showing stones in my gallbladder, even though he said it took the fun out of his investigation.

Now, the funny thing I learned I should have done differently? Not view medical tests the same way I do skills tests. I didn’t want to go see primary care physician about the concerns my psychiatrist had about my blood pressure because I was afraid I’d fail the tests. Which is lame because, like noted above, you can’t fail in this situation as it is just more knowledge and knowledge is power.BeSilent_bigger

Additional changes include:

  • Not writing off the symptoms I was having as being part of the aging process. Weird rapid weight gain, fatigue, blood pressure issues, lower back pain, indigestion, and heartburn individually *maybe* could have been written off as a fact of life, but combined the way they were and all arriving at the same time should have raised a flag or too. Combined they were symptoms of the mass growing in my abdomen displacing my organs and putting pressure on my arteries.
  • Routine screenings and physicals with primary care physician
  • Be quiet; hear the whisper

OV_Know_the_Facts_Zoom1

Thank you for the question, Linda! Does anyone else have a question for me?

Check Up Time | 9 Months Post-Chemo

Tomorrow morning I head to UNC Women’s Hospital in Chapel Hill. I’ll park in the Dogwood Deck, hopefully on the second floor near the sky walk, and make my quarterly pilgrimage to Clinic D. I’ll check-in at the front desk and make small talk with the woman who has greeted me countless times previously before taking a seat with the other women at various stages of their adventure with reproductive cancers.

The first nurse of the day will invite me back to take my vitals and inquire as to whether I’m in any pain. Hopefully my weight will be down and everything else will check out as usual. I’ll let her know that my big toe hurts while giggling internally over the inside joke. I wouldn’t have reported something so seemingly inconsequential in the past. However, now I report everything because I’m afraid if I don’t I might miss something that will prove to be an early warning sign of something less trivial.

Up next is a quick visit with Dr. Gehrig. We will cover how the last 3 months have gone for me, cover any questions I may have, go over any instructions/suggestions she may have, and after a lightning fast internal exam she will wish me well until our next appointment in January when we will hit the one year post-chemo anniversary.

My last stop of the morning will be to visit my favorite ladies in the Infusion Room. While we discuss what I have been up to since I last saw them and I hear updates on progress of cute babies, they will take a blood sample for my CA-125 test and flush my port to keep it working as intended.

One last stop at the front desk to set up my next appointment and maybe a quick pop into the hospital Starbucks for a celebratory beverage and then I’ll be making my way back across the sky walk to find the GR(APE) to make my way back home.

None of these steps takes very long, perhaps 15 minutes max, but they are so emotionally charged that I often find myself wiped out when I’m finally done. It may also be because I will still be waiting on the results of the main reason I routinely make this trek. If all goes well, by late tomorrow afternoon I will hear back from Dr Gehrig that my CA-125 has continued to stay within the normal range.  Then you can cue the sigh I didn’t realize I had been holding since probably my last check up.

AMA | My Experience With Ovarian Cancer So Far

I’m traveling this week with family. When I told my family about my random encounter with my new found friend, George, at my neighborhood Target store, mom came to the same conclusion George did… recording my story would be easier for than trying to write it all up. After all, I’ve been telling it to everyone this past year who would stand still long enough for it to gush out of me.

What better time to do it than during Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month and the one year anniversary of my diagnosis?

Here’s my request to you, since I like the exchange I experience when telling my story face to face…

If you could ask me anything about ovarian cancer, anything at all, what would you ask?

No question is too hard; no topic is off limits. I’m no expert, but I will answer every question to the best of my ability. If I can’t, I will get the answer for you somehow, most likely via the team of medical professionals who helped me get through this first year.

Let’s hear it, #TeamPamda, what do you want to hear about most?

Ring My Bell! | Treatment 6 of 6

“Ring this bell / Three times well, / It’s toll to clearly say / My treatment’s done, / This course is run, / And I’m on my way.” 

Marking a life event date in pictures until I have the words.

Checking in at Clinic D | Gynecologic Oncology

Paper Cranes

Sleepy Pamda

Zen Garden Bull

Last bag hanging

Ring This Bell

Resume Worthy?

Some Beauty at Fresh Market


Peach Fuzz


Shout Out To Roberta

First blog post

To know me is to love me and be fully prepared that at some point I’m bound to overshare something other people tend to consider *too personal* to talk about above a hushed whisper in a very small group. Why anyone would think things would be any different now that I have *the cancer* is beyond me, so disabuse yourself of any misconceptions now. Should it cross my brain pan and one ounce of me consider it worth sharing, energy willing you will find it here.